Loving Day: Celebrate the Legalization of Interracial Couples


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Real Couples

Do you have an interesting story about one of your interracial relationships? If so, please share your story.

Mona
Location: Washington
Age: 33
Occupation: graduate student
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I am a Pakistani American married to an Irish American man. Religion was not as much of an issue as my gender is female. We have been best friends and gone to school together for ten years and have been married for five. His family suffered from liberal racism, divorces, and being stuck between Marin County 'upper-caste' culture and lower-middle class every day realities.

On the one hand, I have been the major cause of shame in the Pakistani community as a female who dated and married a white man. On the other hand, I am also a source of high status as an educated, responsible, and financially independent woman. I come from a large extended close-knit, uneducated, but mostly loving family where the meaning of racial politics depends on which powerful figure (man or woman) happens to be discussing the matter on what given day. They love us for being such brave souls one day and then may completely abandon us for the next couple of years (it's a process, not a pro/con situation). David has now met and been widely accepted by my extensively large and very traditional family in Pakistan.

We have learned so much from each other's backgrounds. David and I did graduate research and traveled in Pakistan together. He converted to Islam and found a stable and culturally rich family base. He has been a true Platonic companion to me. Our willingness to learn and question the social limits of humanity with passion is what brought us together. We rediscover and shift our identities on daily basis, depending on the type of social group we are attending. We never had any role models and believe that our relationship is perhaps the first and the most successful one considering our cultural backgrounds.

Christina
Location: New York
Age: 30
Occupation: manager
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

My fiance and I met almost 5 years ago. I am black and from New York, he is white and from the South. I have always dated inter-culturally, and so has he. When we met, we both admitted that our families were not open to the idea of our dating and were not supportive of all the inter-cultural dating either of us had done in our lives. But, we didn't care. We fell in love and have been happily together for many years and will be married in the fall.

After the first couple of years, once our families knew we were in love and were happily committed to each other, they grew to respect and appreciate our relationship. Now, they are entirely supportive, as far as we can tell. I think that familiarity has helped break down the pre-conceived notions our families had about each other. We have no children, but if we choose to in the future, I think they will have 2 sets of very happy grandparents! You just have to be true to yourself, follow your heart, and work together as a team if you face obstacles.

Amy
Location: California
Age: 31
Occupation: business owner and work-at-home mom
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 8 of those. He is Filipino and I am white. We have a fabulous son and a marvelous daughter, both which do not look like me, except for red highlights in their hair. I love my husband's family and he loves mine, race has never been an issue and we are blessed for that. The only time race ever comes up is when I am out in public with my kids and someone will stop and say, "Your kids are beautiful...What are they?" I get so frustrated inside because the question seems so lame. I feel like saying..."kids?? One is a boy and one is girl." But of course they know from looking at me that my kids are bi-racial. I take the compliment, explain that their dad is Filipino, and we move on.

I am so excited that I found this site. I will be supporting it all the way. Hopefully the awareness will be worldwide by the time my kids are ready to share their lives with someone.

Mya
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 25
Occupation: analyst
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I told my parents about my relationship with my South African/Indian boyfriend and their reaction was disappointing (I am Chinese). It is now 2006, and I really thought my parents were a lot more modern. I was very wrong. From day one my dad has told me not to go for anyone who is not Chinese, and his reasons are racist, purely based on someone's physical appearance. Thank you for this website, which is filled with inspiring stories for me. The battle has only just begun, we have been together for 8 months and I only told my parents about the relationship 2 months ago. My dad has threatened to disown me and doesn't want to see me. I feel like I have not committed any crime? I am in love with someone who doesn't look "right" to them, so they forget that he has a good heart, is a loving person and most of all he makes me happy and makes me laugh. My dad said he cares more about what our relatives will think and say, that he doesn't want to lose face. I really hope that in time he will come around, as I know he is clearly wrong and I have to stand up for what is right. I won't give up! I am determined, and your stories have motivated me and given me inspiration, thank you so much!

Darcy
Location: Virginia
Age: 28
Occupation: law student
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

My fiancé and I are an interracial couple (he is black and I am white). We are history buffs and are very familiar with the legal history of interracial marriage in the United States. I actually wrote a paper on the subject in law school. We are planning to be married on June 12, 2007 after dating for over seven years. We are choosing this date because it is the Fortieth Anniversary of the case and out of respect for those who fought for the right to marry across racial lines (also, we both live in Virginia). I am pleased to see that others share our belief that June 12th should be a day of celebration and that knowledge of history is priceless.

Amber
Location: North Carolina
Age: 27
Occupation: developmental disabilities case manager
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I am getting married on 7/7/07 to the best man I know. I am Caucasian and he is Korean. Our families have been happy to celebrate our love and although it's not perfect (when is it when joining two families together?!), it is pretty good.

I think the biggest challenge we face isn't due to race, but just from our very different upbringings. I am an only child from a small town in Ohio. I was the "All American" girl- straight A's, runner, into all sorts of clubs. My family is very liberal and laid back. My fiance grew up in New Jersey/New York, went to a huge high school and is the youngest of four from a pretty conservative family.

We met in college where I was a cheerleader and my fiance was one of the crazy face painted fans in the stands. Through mutual friends we met and obviously hit it off since we are getting married in three months!!

It makes me sad to think that if we lived in the past, we wouldn't have been able to legally be together. I think there are still so many hurdles for people to overcome in regards to being open to all races, but we have definitely come a long way.

Allen
Location: Texas
Age: 37
Occupation: tech support
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

I met the woman who would be my wife in 1991 (she's black and I'm white). We were friends for several months before considering a relationship. Both of us had been in interracial relationships before. She proposed to me three days before Christmas in 1992 and we married on March 18, 1995. We faced prejudice from both sides of the family but once we started having kids, family relations improved dramatically. We have two biracial sons now and have been happily married for 11 years.

Randy
Location: New York
Age: 21
Occupation: student
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

For the past four years as an African American I have been dating my wonderful girlfriend who is Chinese. We met in high school and started off as best friends and soon ended up lovers, I still remember the day I took her to the prom in her beautiful white gown.

So far the people where we live are very accepting and respectful of my girlfriend and I except for the occasional blatant stare we get when walking down the street, but we have been strong and faced down every challenge.

However, there is one challenge we haven't faced and that's telling her parents about me. My mother is very accepting and loves my girlfriend. But her parents have made it clear even before dating me they do not want her to date or be with someone outside of her race, especially a black person. So we hid it - so well, in fact, we have it down to a science. But I know there will be the day when we have to tell her parents the truth. It's a very complicated story to tell but with fate's love and grace we plan to tell her parents soon that we are getting married.

Wish me luck!

Kate
Location: Virginia
Age: 43
Occupation: editor
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

My husband and I met in Nepal, where he was a Marine Security Guard at the embassy in Kathmandu and I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in a village far from the capital. Today, nearly 16 years (12 married) and four beautiful children later, I'm still taken aback when I think that some people once considered our marriage and children an abomination...and that some still might.

Despite our different races (he is Vietnamese and I am white) we actually have similar backgrounds. We both come from large, loving, Catholic families. Some of his experiences, including that of a war refugee, help put things into perspective for me when I feel we've got it rough.

And the reality of what life might not have been if not for the Lovings adds another layer of perspective. He is he, I am I, we are we; how could race possibly matter?

Nana
Location: New York
Age: 29
Occupation: human rights activist
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I grew up the eldest of two South Asian women in an Indian-American family. Given my family's particular brand of South Asian culture, I was not only raised to be very aware of race and aspire to a "model minority" aesthetic but to be "extremely discerning" with regard to my choice of marriage partner.

As a response to this type of racist upbringing, my sister and I both made a point to date nearly all racial, cultural and socio-economic castes in the US. Though we have each had to struggle to create unique Amer-Indian identities for ourselves in an enduringly racist and sexist country, we both agree that marrying into our "own" is not the means by which to create those identities. I have come to realize that despite my love and respect for my own ethnic background, being with someone from a different cultural experience truly broadens and enriches my life. It challenges me to call into question some of the values and prejudices that I may have otherwise have accepted as blind truths (had I sought my own culture as criteria upon which to choose a partner).

My Scottish/English partner and I plan to marry next year. Despite initial apprehension from my parents, my partner and I have gained their blessing through their recognition of our compatibility, despite color and history. This acceptance was a long fought battle; a battle that I realize may be one of many to come. But it was well worth it. When I look into my partner's face, I see the opportunity to spend another day with person I love most in the world and the potential for a future without ethnocentrism, racism and ignorance. The promise of each is enough for me to continue to fight for both.

Chris
Location: New York
Age: 30
Occupation: sales
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

My wife and I met in my hometown on Long Island. She is from Tanzania and I am Italian-American. My parents really surprised me. They love my wife so much, I think more than they love me, sometimes.

Our Wedding was a colourful cultural experience. I abided by Tanzanian cultural tradition, more specifically, Ndamba, and went through a whole process of stating my intentions with a letter, meeting with her Father and Uncle, and having a close friend vouch for me (per tradition). Her family had a send-off party with traditional singing and dancing, speeches, and introductions of the extended family.

We had a Catholic Wedding, as both of our families are Catholic. Her family loves me, my family loves her. We are expecting a baby boy in July and everybody is so excited!

Denise
Location: Colorado
Age: 37
Occupation: school teacher
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years and have three school-age sons. We both came from ethnically mixed neighborhoods, and as we dated, we encountered few problems because of our different races (he's Chinese, I'm white). Once we were engaged, however, our families had some struggles with the relationship.

We were lucky - both of our families loved us enough to face their prejudice and deal with it the best they could. For example, my uncle fought in Korea and hated Asians. He decided to take my fiance/husband out for breakfast every Saturday morning for as long as it took in order to get past it. He did. My father-in-law was crushed that his only son's sons would not be completely Chinese, and would not see me when I went to meet him for the first time. It took a while, but he finally decided that even though his grandchildren would be mixed race, they would be loved and well-cared for, and he decided that was good enough.

People ask still ask us about our mixed-race marriage sometimes, but the bottom line is that we agree on the important stuff and have more ideas to draw from on everything else. It is still good.

Ashley
Location: Wisconsin
Age: 22
Occupation: dance instructor
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

I am white, and the love of my life happens to be black. We met in elementary, but barely knew each other. Once we entered 6th grade we really hit it off, became best friends, and eventually began dating off and on. In high school we became a lot more serious and inseparable. I met his mom before, and she seemed really nice and understanding until she realized how serious we really were. She told him to end things between us. She hated the idea of him dating me. He told me about his mom and together we tried to convince her how much we needed each other, but she still didn't want us dating.

It wasn't until the end of our senior year that she started accepting me. It was a huge change and I found it really weird, but he told me he had a long serious talk with her and she understood. On graduation day he proposed to me, and we let his mom pick out our wedding day. She choose June 12. I really felt accepted. We now have twin boys who are 2 years old!

I thank God every day for letting me be able to marry my perfect man.

Lisa
Location: Ohio
Age: 34
Occupation: social worker
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

I am the product of an interracial marriage. I am married to a caucasian man and made the choice - not because of his race, but because of how wonderfully he treats me and because of the special friendship we continue to share after 12 years of being with one another. As a product of our love, we now have two beautiful racially mixed children and share a wonderful life. Our children will grow up knowing that it is not what matters on the outside, but what a person's heart and soul are that make the difference.

Lauren
Location: California
Age: 30
Occupation: graduate student
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

I am Mexican-American and my boyfriend is white. I told him about Loving Day a few weeks ago. He must have taken the holiday to heart because he chose to commemorate Loving Day by proposing to me! He took me by complete surprise by proposing as we hiked with our dog on a trail overlooking Lake Tahoe. I couldn't be happier and I would like to wish all the love and luck that we have had on all of the interracial couples out there.

Elana
Location: Washington
Age: 44
Occupation: stay at home mom
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

I am white/Native American mix and my handsome hubby is Chamorro from Guam. We met at a powwow near Seattle while he was stationed at Fort Lewis, WA. I cannot imagine a better place to meet. I felt so blessed to have found him. We went through much prejudice - from angry Chamorros who felt I was not good enough, to white people who glared at us and our beautiful baby girl.

We had a black army sergeant tell my husband to leave me and our baby because I was too "white looking." My husband never faltered. He just kept on loving our family and being proud that we were together. Loving Day is every day of our lives: it is the blending of souls and experiences, it is the heartbeat of hope that one day all prejudice will be swept away like chaff in the wind.

Joanne
Location: Illinois
Age: 23
Occupation: stay at home mom
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I have never realized this before but I was reading this website and found that my biracial son was born on Loving Day 2004. This year we had a huge birthday party for him. He is the cutest, sweetest kid ever. This day now means even more to me. My son is the biggest confirmation of love for me and my husband. Now that I know that his birthday is the same day as the legal decision that allows me to be married to the man I love, it means so much more.

Yoon
Location: Colorado
Age: 27
Occupation: teacher
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

After being together for six years, Brian (white) and I (Korean) just got married last week. He said the wedding was magic and I agree, and it was especially significant because we have been through so much together.

...everything we have is built on love alone.

We laugh defiantly about how we are race traitors/mixers, but seriously, we fully understand the deep implications of having an interracial marriage. Brian is willing to change his last name to mine so that I won't have to lose a part of my cultural identity, allaying one of the biggest reservations my parents legitimately have. Also, I can always count on him to be my ally, and he can always rely on me to be his.

Of course the personal is political, and we know that all too well, being the disgruntled, vocal, and leftist individuals that we are. But when it comes right down to it, everything we have is built on love alone. Love is not color blind as many would like to believe. It sees color and all its history, pain, beauty, power, difference, and commnalities, and it embraces it unconditionally. Yay love!

Dee
Location: Kansas
Age: 23
Occupation: interior designer
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

I am a newly engaged women (Caucasian) to a wonderful black man. We met over a year ago and from that first moment I knew that Joe was the man I wanted to marry. Even though I had not dated outside of my race before, I had little concern for the objections from my family. At first my Catholic step-mother declared that my "black boyfriend" would not be allowed in her home. Nor would her or my father ever support our decision to be together. My father advised that interracial relationships were against God's plan for us and were very difficult to maintain. And what about the children? This was very hard for me because my father and I have always been close and he had always been a great advisor in my life. But love is a tremendous force. Somehow I found the strength to say, "You are wrong. We can do this." And we have done it. Together.

I applaud all couples who follow their hearts.

Joe and I have always kept the communication lines open and have been able to discuss everything. This has helped us stand-up for our right to be together. When it came time for Joe to ask my father's blessing, he was ready to hear anything my father was going to say. Again, my father expressed his disapproval of our relationship but said that we shouldn't take it personally. My father does like my future husband but just doesn't see how we can make it. Though Joe does respect my father and his wishes, Joe knows as I do that we were meant to be together.

Being in an interracial relationship is like being in any other kind of relationship. I think it's even better. Not only can we share with each other ourselves and our dreams but also our family's histories and cultures. I grew up in North Central Kansas so my experiences with African American culture was little. I now have the opportunity to learn from him and his family.

As our wedding date approaches we look forward to a lifetime of learning from each other, and loving and raising a biracial family. We are excited for the future challenges that may come our way, and we'll confront them with love and humor. Hopefully we'll change just one person's perception about what an interracial family is like.

Seeing the new campaign ads on this website caused me to pause and thank God for the bravery of the Lovings. As hard as it has been to go against my family's wishes, how much harder would it have been if legally I did not have the right I marry the man I loved? I applaud all couples who follow their hearts. Not only are they fighting for the right to make their own choices but they are an inspiration to others.

God Bless!

Katy
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Age: 25
Occupation: graphic designer, musician
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I have been in many interracial relationships. Although I've had boyfriends of the same race (white), my parents actually weren't very fond of them either. I was not allowed to see my first boyfriend (Mexican) even though it was more about him being from the "wrong part of town". He actually ended up marrying a friend of mine from high school and my mother send me the clipping in the mail. I hid our relationship from them for 3 years. They still don't know about it to this day.

Racism is all about ignorance.

One of my last boyfriends was Jamaican. I lied to him about my parents and their issues, and deep down he knew they were pretty racist when it came to black folks. They have rarely been exposed to a person of color like him, very smart, responsible and successful.

My current boyfriend is Filipino. My mom met my boyfriend pretty early on and, since I live far a way from them, she sees him as my protector. She asks about him a lot and is happy for us. Everything is OK, although my father has never even asked me about him. We share an apartment and there is a chance we may get married. But I guess he will just deal with it when it comes. When my parents meet his parents (who are sucessful doctors but both have very thick accents and speak their native language more often than English) its going to be an extremely uncomfortable situation. I'm not looking forward to it! They are not very fond of immigrants and definitely see every other race as ignorant. Its frustrating to listen to them talk, but they don't know any better. Racism is all about ignorance.

Katherine
Location: Long Island, NY
Age: 23
Occupation: student
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: no

I was seeing a Mexican guy and we were not allowed to call each other. My parents would not allow him in the house. My parents are against me dating Hispanics of any kind, even though the rest of my family couldn't be happier for me. Now I'm dating a guy who's Spanish (from Spain) and Irish. It's not going over too well, even after a year. It's not 100% OK.

My parents are against me dating Hispanics of any kind...

I have an older sister. Neither of us ever brought home a black guy, so the issue never came up. I would probably get thrown out of my house. My father is racist, and so was my grandfather. My mother has a history of prejudice against Hispanics, especially Puerto Ricans. To her, all Hispanics are the same. My current boyfriend is in school and he's working. He's travelled all over the world and he's educated. I don't think he's what my mom expects.

Slowly, my parents are getting a little more lenient. Phone calls are OK. They met him, but they never met my ex-boyfriend. He's not just a name, he's a person to them now. They're closed minded about certain things. You can't help who you love - that's how I see it. I've gone through a lot mentally because of this.

Although I've gone through a lot, it has actually allowed me to grow as a person. Because of my current boyfriend, I was finally able to stand up to my parents about something I believe in. I believe in my relationship and I will not allow my parents to remain so closed-minded. In time they will become 100% ok with him once they see that my love for him will not change.

Don
Location: Maryland
Age: 72
Occupation: lawyer
Knew the history before seeing this campaign: yes

My Japanese wife and I (Caucasian) have been married 46 years, and have four grown children. We met and married in Japan, where I was stationed as a Navy JAG officer. At that time the US military strongly opposed such marriages, and had a lengthy bureaucratic process designed to discourage the couple from reaching the altar. Counseling by both a chaplain and a legal officer was mandatory, and the principal objective of legal counseling was to inform the couple of the existence of miscegenation laws in the state or states of their likely future residence.

...discourage the couple from reaching the altar.

Although our marriage preceded the Loving decision by a decade, I think that most attorneys at that time recognized the likelihood that these laws would be found unconstitutional: That was the advice I received from a fellow JAG officer prior to my marriage, and it was the same advice that I rendered a year later to an African-American sailor in Texas (where I was then stationed) who was engaged to a Japanese woman. The Texas miscegenation law at that time classified Orientals as "white", and thus his marriage would have violated Texas law, whereas mine did not.

Another year later I had left the Navy and we had moved to Virginia, which outlawed marriage between whites and Orientals, but permitted marriage between blacks and Orientals. Unlike the Lovings, we were never threatened with an enforcement of Virginia's miscegenation law, but were as pleased as they must have been when the Supreme Court struck down these laws in 1967.

Since I left the Navy in 1959, my wife and I have not to our knowledge suffered any racial discrimination, nor have our children.


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